Creating A Masterpiece From Tragedy

(Read time: 1-2 mins)

“Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.” – Nido Qubein

A victim of narcissistic abuse often does not fully realize the extent and depth of the trauma she (or he) has endured until several weeks, or even months after the relationship is over. Initially, there is a period of shock, a state of feeling emotionally frozen, rooted in pain, confused, anxious, betrayed, and grief-stricken.

Anxious rumination sets in, and it is common to rummage through your devastated memory bank, trying to make sense of what happened, trying to put the shattered pieces of yourself back together, and analyzing the relationship from every angle, the what-ifs, and the what-could-have-beens. This can go on for weeks, even months, and can be very distressing, and exhausting.

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Cognitive Dissonance: A Mental Tug Of War

(Read time: 1-2 mins.)

Cognitive dissonance, the state of holding two, or more contradictory thoughts or beliefs simultaneously, is the mental twisting, twirling, tug-of-war that survivors of narcissistic abuse experience during, and after, the relationship with the narcissist. It is very distressing, and can be unrelenting in its torment. Many partners, and ex-partners, say they feel like they are going crazy from the “push-me/pull-you” dynamic running amok in their minds. The good news is, it can be overcome. In order to overcome it successfully it’s important to understand how it develops, and what keeps it going, so it can be stopped.

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