(Read time: 1-2 mins)
I’ve been asked on several occasions whether narcissists have real feelings for their partners, and if they love. In addition to the roller-coaster emotions of the love-bombing stage, narcissists do have feelings in a relationship, but they’re not love.
Narcissists feel euphoric at the beginning of the relationship, exhibited through over-the-top expressions of admiration, intense attraction, praise, and a “I think we are soulmates” narrative.
During love-bombing the narcissist will focus fake and intense spotlights of love, admiration, respect, soulmate connection, desire, future bliss on his partner, completely blinding her so she cannot see the darkness to come.
When the narcissist feels he/she has secured his partner, his real feelings about his partner emerge: boredom, disdain, irritability, annoyance, contempt, envy, jealousy, and seething anger. This is the narcissist’s natural state, and in a relationship they are the true feelings he has for his partner.
The “love euphoria” is never real, and is never sustained. The new partner is the new “love object” for the narcissist, and nothing more. After her newness wears off, she will become, and always be an object of his contempt.
If the partner leaves the narcissist, and he successfully hoovers her, she becomes – for a short time – exciting and desirable again to the narcissist. This period does not last nearly as long as the first love-bombing phase, and when the narcissist resumes his devaluing and abusive behavior he picks up right where he left off, being just as cruel and brutal.
Narcissists do not feel genuine love, nor do they care about it. They care about one thing: getting what they want, when they want it.
There is nothing a narcissist’s partner can do to change the narcissist or how he feels. There is nothing the partner can change to make the narcissist love her. The partner can change one thing: her future. She can leave the relationship, move on, never look back, and have a true chance at happiness and love; something she will never, ever have with the narcissist.